Roland Hughes on Commercial Falsehoods & Tea Flavoured Coffee #AmWriting #Selfpub #Dystopian

One of the favorite things for commercial creators these days is to portray writers in coffee houses tapping away at their tablet or dumb-phone creating the great American novel or some such thing.  Personally I don't know any serious typist, writer or otherwise, who would even remotely consider typing on either a tablet or dumb-phone.  I mean that is like beating your fingers against concrete.  “Touch” typing, despite the name, has nothing to do with how solidly one hits the keys.  Those of us who type fast or learned on manual typewriters (okay, I understand kids today have no idea what a manual typewriter is) have some force in our fingers.  I've been known to cook a cheap keyboard in under six months.  I know of others who gladly pay north of $100 for a mechanical wired keyboard because their fingers go numb using a soft membrane keyboard.

What is perhaps the biggest falsehood of the commercials is that writers drink coffee.  I've never met one.  I come from the IT side of life so I drink Mt. Dew or iced tea.  Coffee in all its forms is just plain nasty.  I won't even mention what people's breath smells like after they take a swallow.  I can't imagine having to breath the air in a coffee shop for hours on end.  I'd rather take my chances with the visible air in Beijing.  We will not mention what a growing number of people consider coffee the beverage of, but it is a category nobody wants to join.

The real life thing which is most offensive is being forced to purchase tea, especially iced tea, from a place which also sells coffee.  Most of the people who work there seem to be coffee, or as it was so eloquently called in that wonderful television series Sanctuary, “brown mud”, drinkers.  When told they have to brew a container of iced tea they will simply dump out the coffee grounds, toss in some tea bags, and use the same brewer to brew the liquid they sell as tea.  It isn't tea.  It is tea flavored coffee and it is disgusting!

What brings this post to mind is car shopping yesterday.  I was at one of those “immerse the customer” dealerships yesterday.  They seem to be the new trend in car dealerships.  A small food court, play room for the kids, comfy chairs with multiple televisions, etc.  All designed to get the customer in the habit of spending time in the dealership.  I looked around while waiting and noticed quite a few writers typing away on netbooks and notebooks, nobody was typing on a tablet.  Since this was a dealership in the Portland area I imagine the ratio of writers to regular Joes and Janes was a bit higher than many other cities due to the large creative arts community.

Since I was there to empty my pockets on a new ride I left the trusty netbook behind.  Caffeine addictions must be fed, however, even if one isn't busy typing.  I took a chance.  I walked up to a food counter and ordered a glass of iced tea.  It was with some trepidation that I took my first sip.  I was pleasantly surprised and informed the old guy behind the counter.  I didn't call him an old guy to his face of course.  If he reads this and tells me to look in the mirror I will take no offense.  His response was an even greater surprise.  “No, we don't brew tea in anything that's been near coffee because what comes out isn't tea.”  It shouldn't come as a shock I bought my car there.

“John Smith: Last Known Survivor of the Microsoft Wars” is one big interview. It is a transcript of a dialogue between “John Smith” (who, as the title of the book implies is the last known survivor of the Microsoft wars) and the interviewer for a prominent news organization.

Buy Now @ Amazon & B&N

Genre – Dystopian Fiction

Rating – PG

More details about the author

Website http://johnsmith-book.com/

Sipping Tea Flavoured Coffee with Ronald Hughes #Fiction #Dystopian #GoodReads

One of the favorite things for commercial creators these days is to portray writers in coffee houses tapping away at their tablet or dumb-phone creating the great American novel or some such thing.  Personally I don't know any serious typist, writer or otherwise, who would even remotely consider typing on either a tablet or dumb-phone.  I mean that is like beating your fingers against concrete.  “Touch” typing, despite the name, has nothing to do with how solidly one hits the keys.  Those of us who type fast or learned on manual typewriters (okay, I understand kids today have no idea what a manual typewriter is) have some force in our fingers.  I've been known to cook a cheap keyboard in under six months.  I know of others who gladly pay north of $100 for a mechanical wired keyboard because their fingers go numb using a soft membrane keyboard.

What is perhaps the biggest falsehood of the commercials is that writers drink coffee.  I've never met one.  I come from the IT side of life so I drink Mt. Dew or iced tea.  Coffee in all its forms is just plain nasty.  I won't even mention what people's breath smells like after they take a swallow.  I can't imagine having to breath the air in a coffee shop for hours on end.  I'd rather take my chances with the visible air in Beijing.  We will not mention what a growing number of people consider coffee the beverage of, but it is a category nobody wants to join.

The real life thing which is most offensive is being forced to purchase tea, especially iced tea, from a place which also sells coffee.  Most of the people who work there seem to be coffee, or as it was so eloquently called in that wonderful television series Sanctuary, “brown mud”, drinkers.  When told they have to brew a container of iced tea they will simply dump out the coffee grounds, toss in some tea bags, and use the same brewer to brew the liquid they sell as tea.  It isn't tea.  It is tea flavored coffee and it is disgusting!

What brings this post to mind is car shopping yesterday.  I was at one of those “immerse the customer” dealerships yesterday.  They seem to be the new trend in car dealerships.  A small food court, play room for the kids, comfy chairs with multiple televisions, etc.  All designed to get the customer in the habit of spending time in the dealership.  I looked around while waiting and noticed quite a few writers typing away on netbooks and notebooks, nobody was typing on a tablet.  Since this was a dealership in the Portland area I imagine the ratio of writers to regular Joes and Janes was a bit higher than many other cities due to the large creative arts community.

Since I was there to empty my pockets on a new ride I left the trusty netbook behind.  Caffeine addictions must be fed, however, even if one isn't busy typing.  I took a chance.  I walked up to a food counter and ordered a glass of iced tea.  It was with some trepidation that I took my first sip.  I was pleasantly surprised and informed the old guy behind the counter.  I didn't call him an old guy to his face of course.  If he reads this and tells me to look in the mirror I will take no offense.  His response was an even greater surprise.  “No, we don't brew tea in anything that's been near coffee because what comes out isn't tea.”  It shouldn't come as a shock I bought my car there.

“John Smith: Last Known Survivor of the Microsoft Wars” is one big interview. It is a transcript of a dialogue between “John Smith” (who, as the title of the book implies is the last known survivor of the Microsoft wars) and the interviewer for a prominent news organization.

Buy Now @ Amazon & B&N

Genre – Dystopian Fiction

Rating – PG

More details about the author

Website http://johnsmith-book.com/

The Galatia Series by @CDVerhoff #AmReading #SciFi #Fantasy

In this excerpt from chapter two, in the middle of the night Josie has been shaken awake by a loud rumble. It’s happened before, so she’s only mildly concerned. Unable to get back to sleep, she shuffles has shuffled off to the kitchen for a snack:

As she sat at the kitchen counter, spooning pudding into her mouth, the bowl on the counter started to vibrate. Dishes rattled in the cupboard. Knickknacks fell off the shelf. Another tremor?

There had been dozens of them over the last two years. Sometimes the damage was a big deal, but most of the time everything was back to normal within a few hours. Last week, a tremor had caused the entire facility to go offline for two days. Nobody was allowed to shower. The temperature hovered around fifty degrees. No videos to watch, no computer games to play, no ebooks to read. Horrible. No way did she want to live through that again. The lights blinked on and off again, leaving her suspended in darkness with a chocolate pudding in her hand.

“This is not good.”

Alarm bells began to ring throughout the facility.

The sound of people running down the public corridor made her drop the spoon on the floor. She flung open the front door. The sound of chaos instantly increased tenfold. Dim emergency lights cast everything in an eerie blood red glow. Entire families were running down the hallway, dressed in heavy clothing, carrying their emergency backpacks, fear etched across their features.

“This can’t be for real,” she whispered. Her bladder wanted to faint. Her sister lived in the pod across the hall. Its door swung open and there was her brother-in-law, Dante Armstrong, standing there in his boxer shorts. Dante was of African descent—somewhere near Ghana was all he knew. Until just now, she had never seen him without his shirt. His impressive height and muscular build made him an imposing-looking man. His five-year-old son, Nicholas, stood behind him and peeked around his father’s hip, while Dante held three-year-old Shasta on his hip.

“Do you know what’s going on?” Josie yelled across the hall. “Where’s Jo?”

“She was called to an emergency meeting a few hours ago.”

“Mom was too.”

“Jo just called me,” Dante spoke rapidly. “She said this is the big one. The bunker has split in two and there are hundreds of secondary fissures. It’s total chaos below. The main control room is on fire and the entire city could crumble at any second.” His words were like ghostly punches to the gut, taking her breath away. “They’ve done everything they can, but it’s not going to be enough. She’s going to meet us at the main hatchway.”

The acid taste of bile coated her throat. She took a step back into the pod where things used to make sense.

“We have to evacuate,” Dante said.

“To where?”

“The surface.”

“We’ll die up there,” Josie said.

“We’ll die down here.”

Josie shook her head vigorously, retreating further into the pod.

“Jo made me promise to get you out of here.” Dante’s eyes were sympathetic, but his voice strained with impatience. “I’ll carry you over my shoulder if I have to.”

She’d debate the matter more, but Dante was the kind of man who meant what he said. If she refused to leave, he would stay, putting himself and his children in grave danger.

“Okay,” she said, feeling weak all over. “I’ll go, but let me grab a few things first.”

“I’ll give you three minutes,” he said. “I need to get a few things, too. We’ll go up to the Pringle exit together.”

The last survivors of the human race are riding out nuclear winter in an underground bunker when disaster strikes. Forced to the surface centuries ahead of schedule, what they find blows their minds. Who can explain it? Two social misfits work together to unravel the mystery.

After living in a posh underground shelter his entire life, Lars Steelsun is plunged headfirst into a mind-blowing adventure on the surface of the Earth. As Lars and his displaced bunker mates are led across the grasslands by Mayor Wakeland, a man of questionable sanity who claims to talk with God, they discover a primitive world where human beings are no longer welcome. Even more mystifying is the emergence of new senses and abilities from within. Learning to use them has become a priority, but his biggest challenge comes from the vivacious Josie Albright. Her lust for glory is going to get them both into trouble. Sparks fly when her gung ho ways clash with his cautious personality. Can they overcome their differences to find love and a homeland for their people?

May not be suitable for younger readers. Contains mild profanity, sexual situations (infrequent), and violence. 

Buy Now @ Amazon

Genre - Epic Fantasy

Rating – R

More details about the author

Connect with C. D. Verhoff on Facebook & Twitter

Blog http://cdverhoff.blogspot.com/

EMERGE: A Galatia #Novel (Galatia Series) by @CDVerhoff #AmReading #Fantasy

Josie and Lars had known each other forever, but had never been more than acquaintances. Luke, however, was in her grade. Lars’s impression was that the girl wasn’t very popular at school. She was really cute though, so he didn’t understand why.

“Hey, Luke, what do you think of Josie Albright?”

“Josie?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s super smart—wants to be a chemist—probably just so she can blow up stuff.”

“What I mean is she nice, is she stuck-up, or what?”

“She’s a whackadoodle.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Josie’s not like the other girls.” Luke shrugged. “I mean, she’s into weird things.”

“You mean like her questionable taste in literature?”

“No, well, that might be part of it. She actually tries to be geeky. She thinks it’s cool to be the outcast, I went to a party where she sat in the corner reading a book and smoking a cigarette, like a nerdy girly James Dean or something.”

“I’m not following.”

“She acts like the popular kids are shallow and stuck up, so they’re beneath her. But she’s being just as stuck up. Josie’s not as good-looking as Feenie or Jo, but she’s definitely an Albright—as in not ugly, so the geeks find her too intimidating to hang out with. It’s her own darn fault that she only has a couple of friends. Had. I think they both died in the bunker.”

“I think she looks a little bit like Vivian Leigh.”

“That lady in Gone with the Wind?” Luke’s eyebrows arched. “Oh, man, Lars—don’t tell me you’re crushing on weird Josie Albright?”

“It’s not a crush exactly—let’s call it mild interest.”

“Mild interest.” Luke rolled onto his back, holding his belly, as he laughed. “Is that what they’re calling lust these days?”

“You heard about how she saved that little girl from the river crocs?”

“Yeah, that was pretty cool.” Luke thoughtfully stroked his pretend mustache. “Superhero Vivian Leigh?” he teased. “Maybe I ought to reconsider my stance on dating whackadoodles.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Lars scowled at his brother. “If you try to steal her out from under me, I’ll be really pissed.”

“If this is how you react when mildly interested in a girl,” Luke scanned Lars sardonically. “I’ll hate to see what you’re like when it’s true love.”

“Shut up and help me figure out if I should ask her out.”

“How are you going to take her out somewhere? It’s not like there’s a theater or a café around the next corner.”

“I thought maybe I could ask her on a picnic—what do you think?”

“Rumor has it that Josie Albright only likes girls. Short hair? Hoodies? What are we supposed to think?”

“You mean she’s a lesbian?” Lars felt his stomach sink in disappointment. “Are you sure?”

“There’s only one way to know—ask her out, bro.”

 The last survivors of the human race are riding out nuclear winter in an underground bunker when disaster strikes. Forced to the surface centuries ahead of schedule, what they find blows their minds. Who can explain it? Two social misfits work together to unravel the mystery.

After living in a posh underground shelter his entire life, Lars Steelsun is plunged headfirst into a mind-blowing adventure on the surface of the Earth. As Lars and his displaced bunker mates are led across the grasslands by Mayor Wakeland, a man of questionable sanity who claims to talk with God, they discover a primitive world where human beings are no longer welcome. 

Even more mystifying is the emergence of new senses and abilities from within. Learning to use them has become a priority, but his biggest challenge comes from the vivacious Josie Albright. Her lust for glory is going to get them both into trouble. Sparks fly when her gung ho ways clash with his cautious personality. Can they overcome their differences to find love and a homeland for their people?

May not be suitable for younger readers. Contains mild profanity, sexual situations (infrequent), and violence.

Buy Now @ Amazon

Genre - Epic Fantasy

Rating – R

More details about the author

Connect with C. D. Verhoff on Facebook & Twitter

Blog http://cdverhoff.blogspot.com/